Member-only story
The Only Thing That Prepares You for Marriage is Marriage
I was married for 27 years. The first time. I’d say that makes me the perfect person to give advice on marriage. Doesn’t matter that it ended in divorce, it’s the 27 years that count in a long-haul game like marriage.
When I look back, I realize that marriage is one of the best ways to grow a person. Humans are messy and difficult and growing them into people can take a lifetime or an entire marriage in my case.
External vs. Internal Validation
One of the ways I grew the most in my marriage was learning to take care of my own feelings. I learned that being responsible for my feelings is an integral part of maintaining a long-term relationship.
Marriage is not about dependence. Many of you may disagree with me on this, but it’s true. Ever since people started marrying for love, they’ve slowly drug all these other emotional needs into the marriage bed such as security, acceptance, and validation making so many people dependent on their spouses for their emotional needs.
When we pursue the perfect ceremony, the perfect vows, and the perfect venue, we perpetuate the expectation that our perfect spouse will be our everything. She will soothe us when our emotions run high, will validate us when we’re feeling fragile, and will…
